Introducing…Thomas Johnson, REAL Backpacker
With the after-effects of Matt Kepnes’ blistering blog blitzkrieg on Vietnam’s tourism industry still resonating across the country, Voice of Vietnam has unearthed a happy tourist visitor to our fair shores – Australian backpacker Thomas Johnson who, as he states himself and as the title of the article stresses, is most definitely a “real backpacker”, and not, under ANY circumstances, a fictional character created by VOV journalists to enable them to expose Kepnes’ article for the treacherous pack of lies it most obviously is.
The VOV scribe was fortunate enough to bump into Mr Johnson near Hoan Kiem Lake, where he was bargaining (and most definitely not being overcharged) for souvenirs. And like any other Australian male backpacker, Johnson was filling up his backpack with traditional women’s dresses and ceramics.
Johnson has clearly been in Vietnam so long, and adapted to his new surroundings so well, he has forgotten how to speak gramatically correct English, forgetting to pluralise his words (“beef noodle”, “chicken noodle” etc), and coining a new expression, “to buy things at first sight”. A fine example of cultural assimilation.
He has also become an expert on Hanoi traffic and is keen to share his expertise with visitors to Vietnam’s capital. ‘ ”It’s dangerous to cross the road. Please wait for the green light and use the zebra crossing as quick as you can, and keep your eyes wide open,” he said.’ Thank you Thomas!
And having seen all there is to see in Hanoi, Thomas is now planning to head south to visit Ho Chi Minh City. But it’s not enough for him to say “I’m looking forward to visiting Ho Chi Minh City”, oh no. For Thomas it’s almost a pilgrimage. ‘“I’ve heard a lot about the great leader of Vietnam and wish to visit the city named after him to explore the southern part of Vietnam,” he said.‘ I’m sure he did.
Thomas is so typical, nay, stereotypical of the Vietnamese authorities’ dream tourist – shopping for traditional goods, stuffing his face with pho, and paying homage to Uncle Ho, rather than doing weird stuff like sunbathing, motorbiking or watersports – that readers of a much more cynical bent than myself have suggested this article may be fake. Shame on you I say! Mr Johnson I salute you, and look forward to welcoming you to Ho Chi Minh City and selling you some more ao dai & conical hats. If there’s any space left in that backpack of yours, obviously.
